attended the 12:15 mass at the sanctuario de san antonio today since its ash wed. the priest said that we should ponder on what is our lenten program for the next 40 days. what are you willing to sacrifice or give up to be closer to Him?
ano nga ba? what if that is the only thing that makes you happy in your current incongruent state with the universe? can i give it up?
.....gosh i am such a mess. broken and a mess. 
i need fixing.
{ music } dreams - the cranberries
{ mood } thoughtful
Written by princess_bride at 04:04 PM.
it's almost the time of the month and i'm getting these weird signs of aging. i think i need to see my doc so i can manage these raging hormones. crap!
workload is quite light this week. atmosphere at the office where people are like walking on eggs due to the org restructure to be implemented in the next few months. they call it transformation. a nice way to say headcount reduction. been there done that. it's not something to look forward to but everyone should prepare for in any case it happens.
tried tweaking my blog here and there. not so familiar with the codes so it took quite a while to get what i want somehow. oh well....
i seriously need to get back on my reading. (among other things) i'm stuck in a rut and it's my own doing. i should stop waiting for things to happen.
shit my brain is all over the place....=(
{ music } it's all been done - barenaked ladies
{ mood } needy
Written by princess_bride at 12:53 PM.
i may not be your ideal girl. not even someone to be proud of. i cannot offer you anything more than what we have. all i know is that i deeply care for you and i can't bear the pain of being away from you too long. i wish i was enough for you...i just want you in my life.
"You"
~The Pretty Reckless
You don’t need me
Like I want you, oh
Like I need you
And I want you in my life
And I need you in my life
You can’t see me, no
Like I see you
I can’t have you, no
Like you have me
And I want you in my life
And I need you in my life
You can’t feel me, no
Like I feel you
I can’t steal you, no
Like you stole me
And I want you in my life
And I need you in my life
{ mood } hopeful
Written by princess_bride at 10:57 AM.
....i am missing you so bad....it hurts. i wish i can do something abt it. i just don't feel right when i am always the first one to initiate any conversation, always the one who makes an effort to connect. i really should stop letting you hurt me.
{ music } not over you - Gavin Degraw
Written by princess_bride at 05:09 PM.
Written by princess_bride at 09:57 AM.
as much as i would want to be cynical abt this overrated event i still believe that love should be celebrated everyday. vday or not. that is if you got someone to celebrate it with. well, celebrating it with friends is not a bad idea at all.
anyway, been supressing feelings the past weeks. at times, i feel like im gonna burst. its just sad how such a beautiful feeling cannot be expressed because of things beyond one's control. i really wish things have been different. i just wonder why we always get into this situation. i guess i never learn. i was always wishing for those times when we were just beginning. that was round abt seven yrs ago. i can never get it back.
all i wanted was for you to hold my hand. a firm grasp to let me know that i meant something to you. i would never have asked for anything more than what you can give. a kind gesture of holding my hand would have meant the world to me. a simple gesture that was so hard for you to give. a rejection that is painful enough to go through.
now i firmly resolve, that no matter how painful and difficult this is for me, holding back whatever this is that i would rather not define, i will and i must weather this storm alone. i have been strong enough to go through a lot of storms in my life. this would not be any different. well, this is the story of my life.
....if only i could hold your hand and feel you again. i would've gone through whatever pain it would entail than feeling empty like this.
{ music } kiss me slowly - parachute
{ book } GOT 2 (stuck)
{ mood } gloomy
Written by princess_bride at 09:28 AM.
i am in that weird moment
....when you want to just blurt it out but have to hold it back because there are just things better left unsaid.
....when you miss him so bad but you would hate to show it for fear of being rejected as always
....when you want to give a call or send a text message but would rather not because of again fear of getting dissed
but you are right, there are much better things out there to ponder on. i should be ok soon.
....i just miss you so bad.
{ book } GOT 2
{ mood } sad
Written by princess_bride at 12:09 PM.
i should have sung this last friday...hmmm
Written by princess_bride at 11:06 PM.
finally, was able to fix my layout. of course with the help of my daughter who made the header. cool! but still, kinda conscious that there are so many pictures of me here. might change it to a more subtle header one of these days. looks like i'm so vain when i'm really not. hahah.
been awhile since my last entry. i dunno just got tired of writing i guess. or got too busy with a lot of things. but admittedly, i just can't forget abt this space of mine. which i have kept for 5 yrs (excluding my old accounts). looking back when i created this, i was going through something very painful that time and i had to leave the old account so i can somehow move on.
so here i am. battle scarred but a better person. learned so much from that experience. i mean, i know i deserve better. so a lot of things happened after that. the healing was never an easy task. but i was able to get through it. now i know that in another corner of the world, there is another soul who is going through the same thing i went through before. i wish i can advise some survival tips, but sometimes its better to find out on your own.
funny, by some twist of fate i found out some things abt my "past". tsk tsk tsk. some things never change. oh well, i really shouldn't care but i really feel for her. i'm just lucky i got out of it earlier and did not allow it to drag longer than she did. because really, he's just not that into you and i learned that the hard way. so i wish you luck kid.
{ music } overboard - jessica jarrel & justin bieber
{ book } velocity - d. koontz
{ mood } sympathetic
Written by princess_bride at 10:03 AM.