To the pres of my support club: I miss you. Do you miss me too? I'm just too scared to ask and too afraid to hear the answer.
{ music } Tell me -Carly Rae Jepsen
Written by princess_bride at 06:56 PM.
Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
remember one time when you posted on your fb status abt something on being alone and getting used to it. and then i texted that you shouldn't be feeling that way? well, now i know where you are coming from. there are times when you make me feel like that too. because i realized that even if someone is with you, willing to share time with you, but if that person is not the one you really want to be with, it is then that you feel alone still.
sometimes i wonder, why am i still here? what do i really mean to you? not that i wanted something more than what we have. alam ko naman hanggang dyan lang ang kaya mo ibigay. and i wouldn't push my luck and just end up getting hurt and feeling rejected. kaya lang if i'm not here to inspire or to make you happy, if my presence does not mean anything - why am i still here?
because i am happy when i'm with you. but if you don't feel the same, what's the point? i can handle din naman non-complicated whatever-you-call-this status. just live by the day. and be thankful for what is shared.
its just that....sometimes you just can't help but wonder. mindfuck!
{ mood } frustrated
Written by princess_bride at 01:38 AM.
i was reading back at your journal and somehow followed how you have been chasing storms. its been two years, and still i know deep in your heart that you still love her. something i hoped you felt for me way way way back. but i know and i can feel that this is just platonic. and no matter how much i tried to make excuses for your inactions or insensitive remarks - you still manage to break my heart. i tried to keep my distance, for awhile, only to find out how much it hurts me more to stay away.
i keep telling myself that i have to stop dreaming or hoping even. i am nothing to you, i am just a friend. a sounding board, an outlet. and i may tell myself now that i want to be happy with the time and memories shared, but up to what point can i take this? i look at the mirror again and tell myself, you've got nothing to offer, nothing. and its true, most often love is not enough. but who am i to complain?
i don't know, but no matter how hard you try to be nice to me i feel so low, unimportant and insufficient. i said i don't want to entertain these thoughts. i just have to look away and treasure what little things you can share. i don't want to cry abt this anymore. i just don't know how far this glimmer of hope will take me. i have always been invisible. and without me around - no one really cares.
i need to teach myself to stop caring and loving...maybe even feeling altogether. 
{ mood } thoughtful
Written by princess_bride at 05:51 PM.
(Enya)
Who can say where the road goes
Where the day flows, only time
And who can say if your love grows
As your heart chose, only time
Who can say why your heart sighs
As your love flies, only time
And who can say why your heart cries
When your love lies, only time
Who can say when the roads meet
That love might be in your heart
And who can say when the day sleeps
If the night keeps all your heart
Night keeps all your heart
Who can say if your love grows
As your heart chose
Only time
And who can say where the road goes
Where the day flows, only time
=================================
i don't want to keep my hopes up. and i don't want to live in regret that i have failed to express whatever it is in my heart. so whether you accept it or not or rather not react so you can't hurt me (whichever way, i am still hurt anyway) i will still tell express how i feel directly or indirectly. i just need to vent. otherwise my heart will burst. ok that's an exaggeration. 
i keep telling myself to stop minding how you would usually react. it doesn't matter, what matters is im happy when im with you. and i am thankful for the time shared no matter how much effort i usually make to keep in touch. although i must admit, more often than not, its just so hard to keep up with you. i keep chasing pavements. i shouldn't complain. i just have to treasure the memories i am building with you. so that when the time comes for whatever this is to end - i have something to look back to.
who can say? only time....
{ mood } thankful
Written by princess_bride at 08:23 PM.
i'd like to ask you this, do you feel like you are being "bad" when you are with me? if it's yes, that doesn't sound good at all. 
i'm currently overwhelmed abt things i'd rather not discuss in detail. i am happy and hesitant to be this happy. magulo i know. but by experience whenever i feel this happy for sure something sad will happen. the balance of life. now i just hope na nauna na yung sad part. a girl can dream right?
i just have to be thankful with what we have right now. focus on the good stuff, the good memories. stop overanalyzing things. stop being melodramatic.
.....but the tenderness, i just can't believe it means nothing to you. i just can't.
{ mood } indescribable
Written by princess_bride at 04:39 PM.
sweet dreams are made of these....
{ mood } happy
Written by princess_bride at 09:21 PM.
{ mood } disappointed
Written by princess_bride at 09:39 AM.
The perfect words never crossed my mind,
Cause there was nothin' in there but you.
I felt every ounce of me screaming out,
But the sound was trapped deep in me.
All I wanted just sped right past me,
While I was rooted fast to the earth,
I could be stuck here for a thousand years,
Without your arms to drag me out.
~ Snow Patrol
i'd give anything to know what's on your mind right now. as for me? i just want to scream.
i need you...i want to hold you. but i can't tell you. i just can't. deactivated my fb account. i just need some peace and quiet. i need to think. this loneliness is killing me.
{ mood } lonely
Written by princess_bride at 08:31 PM.
You say, "keep my head from going down"
Just for a little, just for a little
Watch my feet float off the ground
Just for a little, just for a little
Love, if you can hear this sound
Oh, just give me something, something to believe in
~ Parachute
i think i've reached that point when i just got too tired of trying to make whatever-this-is work. any relationship as the old adage go would "take two to tango". i get this feeling that its such a desperate effort to reach out to you. i have always been vocal to you abt this. you would always promise "babawi ka" but it never happens. i guess being just a speck of dust in your busy life means easy me to dispose, easy me to ignore.
i don't get it really. am i being too needy? am i being too demanding? not even! i never demanded anything from you. i just think that as an old friend i deserve something too. more than your quick to dismiss text messages. or your lame excuse of being too busy to care. i am a busy person too.
pls stop giving me mixed signals. sometimes you care, but i always have to initiate everything. pls just give me something to believe in. to believe that this friendship is worth keeping and worth all this pent up emotions that i am too afraid to show or let alone define for fear of losing you just like before.
please...just for a little...just give me something...something to believe in.
Written by princess_bride at 09:42 AM.