Entries for October, 2005
BRIDGES
(Kevyn Lettau)
I have crossed a thousand bridges
In my search for something real
There were great suspension bridges
Made of spiderwebs of steel
There were tiny wooden trestles
And there were bridges made of stone
I have always been a stranger
And I've always been alone
There's a bridge to tomorrow
There's a bridge from the past
There's a bridge made of sorrow
That I pray would not last
There's a bridge made of colors
In the sky high above
And I'm certain there must be
Bridges made out of love
I can see him in a distance
On the rivers of the shore
And his hands reach out in longing
As my own have done before
And I call across to tell him
Where I believe the bridge must lie
And I'll find it, yes I'll find it
If I search until I die
When the bridge is between us
We'll have nothing to fear
We will run through the sunlight
And you'll meet me halfway
There's a bridge made of colors
In the sky high above
And I'm certain there must be
Bridges made out of love
La, la, la...
*******************
a beautiful song. i remember way back someone telling me how its wiser to build bridges than walls. i believe him now. and i know that whether its a bridge of friendship or otherwise...it still is a bridge made out of love.
{ mood } content
Written by princess_bride at 11:17 PM.
gawssshhh....kanina pa akong umaga pabalik balik dito. racking my brains on what to write about. ganito ata talaga pag kulang sa inspiration eh. geeessshhh...
i wish i could do some stargazing right now. wala lang...it just reminds me that there's something out there larger than life. ang hirap dito sa manila...walang mapwestuhan.
buti pa sa province paglabas ng bahay tingala ka lang kita na ang malalaking bituin. eh dito? pag tingala mo puro poste at buhol-buhol na wires ang makikita mo. tapos di tulad sa probinsya ang bango ng simoy ng hangin. dito? amoy yosi, or aso....eekers...shyucks...ano ba yan? kelangan ko na talaga lumabas ng bahay. nalolokah na ata ako...hahahah...konting tulog na lang sel...malapit na...
{ music } lose control - jasmine trias
{ mood } bored
Written by princess_bride at 09:07 PM.
my zen micro's busted. it wouldn't read my files. argghhhh... i think i need to have it checked. done everything from cleaning to reformatting. it wouldn't budge. good thing that its still under warranty. i just need to get the receipt in my office drawer... ughhh
exams week for my kids. kelangan na naman magsunog ng kilay. hahaha... sana di ako kasali dun. kaso kelangan. buti na lang next week pa ako reporting for work.
ang bilis ng oras. super...i'm hearing my favorite christmas carols in the malls already...
i don't want a lot for christmas
there is just one thing i need
i don't care about the presents
underneath the christmas tree
i just want you for my own
more than you could ever know
make my wish come true...
all i want for christmas is you…
...and its making me sad......
{ music } all i want for xmas is u - my chemical romance
{ mood } hopeful
Written by princess_bride at 08:19 PM.
guess who is #1 on my christmas wishlist...who else but...
SAM
isn't he G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S.....HAHAHA...di naman masama mangarap diba....libre naman yan.... 
kaya pagbigyan nyo na lang ako...epekto ito ng di nahahanginan. 
{ music } pinoy ako - orange&lemons
{ mood } naughty
Written by princess_bride at 10:57 PM.
my blogging at tabulas is a year older today. ang galing. if it was a handwritten journal i would've written on it twice and forget abt it totally. i value confidentiality and accessibility. these are the things i like most abt my online journal. here i can always click on a privacy status if i don't want anyone to know abt what i've written.
actually, i should've been greeting my cloudygirl account. but i've decided to leave it for my own reasons. i don't want to be pre-judged by whoever just because of things i've written there abt how strongly i felt for someone who felt differently abt me. although these are already things of the past i still can't deny how cheated i felt and it really hurt like hell. what's done is done...and i have moved on. so now my account as princess_bride.
i can't promise zero emo stuff. coz that's not me. but i promise myself to be more positive abt life. to open my heart again. coz i believe i deserve to be treated better. andyan naman ang bagong bf ko na si sam diba....hehehe...i wish!
thank you to all my friends who were patient enough to read abt my rantings and ramblings.
to my sister Ynnah - the soul sistah i've finally met here. thanks for being there. your online presence was more than enough to keep my sanity. i love you balasang. 
to my bro Jong_xc8 - the younger brother i never had. i wish we could get together with sis Ynnah one of these days. thanks for the good times online balong. 
to Magical - for my "ate". thanks for more than two years of patiently "processing" things with me. you are so fun to be with, nakakalimutan ko mga problema ko. thanks for always cheering me up friendship.
to Tatang - i know most of the time we misunderstood each other. i just want u to know that you will always have a special place in my heart. more years of friendship to us.
and to Cruboy - for making me realize a lot of things. there were fun and great times. and yes, you've touched my life in ways you'd never know. thanks for the friendship. and goodluck sa lovelife.
{ music } cool - gwen stefani
{ mood } thankful
Written by princess_bride at 11:14 PM.
for my dear friends ...especially those who come and go like bubbles in my life ...this is for you...
**********************************************
IN THIS LIFE
(Chantal Kreviazuk- Smallville OST)
Let me show you what I'm made of
Good intentions are not enough
To get me through today and this life.
You're in the basement watching the TV,
I'm on the second floor watching the ceiling.
We sleep underneath the same big sky at night.
I dream the same dream we can fly
You can run from me
You can hide from me
But I am right beside you
In this life.Let me tell you who you really are
You're my comfort
You're not a superstar
I can reach up and bring you back down onto the ground
And give you everything you dream about
You can run from me
You can hide from me
But I am right beside you
In this life.
I'll give you all the things that I never get
Give you all I have and have no regrets
Take you to the places that I've never been
Forgive you all the things that you can’t forget
Take away the pain with my healing hand
Wash away your sins and set your spirit free
You can run from me
And You can hide from me
I am right beside you
In this life.
Let me show you what I'm made of…
{ music } beautiful - velcro
{ mood } awake
Written by princess_bride at 01:42 AM.
i almost didn't make it to work today. not because of my health but because of the "fit to work clearance" issue. my doctor clearly told me that i still can't go to work until my wound is fully healed. but i practically coerced him to issue the clearance with the assurance that i am feeling better and that may work will not entail too much physical activity. told him that i needed to get back to work badly. mabuti na lang at mabait ang cute kong doctor. hehehe
{ music } sakayan ng jeep - nikki
{ mood } busy
Written by princess_bride at 10:13 AM.
(Kelly Clarkson)
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
Im ashamed of my life
because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
{ mood } lonely
Written by princess_bride at 10:07 AM.
i'm so sad at bob's fate in PBB. being forcibly evicted due to circumstances beyond his control. i can feel so much for him. but i fully understand PBB's decision, it's for his own good din naman. i've been crying since they announced the eviction till the time he said goodbye. i know for a fact that abs-cbn will take care of him inspite of his eviction. although i don't like him personally, i just felt his disappointment and frustration. and it had this unnerving effect on me. sigh...
yeah, sobrang iyakin ko talaga...especially if i can relate to how he felt at that moment. its like in relationships....loving someone who does not love you. losing the one you love because of things you have no control of. its like being kicked out of big brother's house. even if you don't want to say goodbye, you have to coz he said his farewell first. sakit talaga ng ganon. its like being treated like an outcast in the family. the black sheep is never welcomed back in the family. masakit talaga yung ganon.
on a positive note, after everything that has happened there is always hope...there is always a chance to prove to the world that you deserve to be treated better. that just like everybody else you are entitled to be loved...to be given a chance...to be special to someone. and ultimately dry the tears you've been shedding for so long...
{ music } pangarap ko - kitchie nadal
{ mood } thoughtful
Written by princess_bride at 06:20 PM.
(LIFEHOUSE)
I can see it your eyes
You’re hurting
But pain is part of learning who you are
All these truths can sometimes be deceiving
When your world is crashing to the ground
[Chorus]
Tell me everything you need now
Anything at all
And I will be the one whose waiting
Anytime you fall
Yeeeaaaahhh….Yeaaaahhhhh…
When you come undone
When you come undone
You know I can’t be like everybody
Cause I can tell you what you want to hear
I don’t know if I can make it better
All I know, is that I’ll be around
[Chorus]
When all your plans are made out
Lying on the floor
And all your dreams are turning into nothing more
When all your hope is left
You know you’re not alone
Just hold on…
Hold on…
[Chorus]
{ mood } sympathetic
Written by princess_bride at 09:30 AM.
got tired of my long tresses always tied up in a bun. had a haircut done last night. wanted something new. something not like me. hmmm....i really wanted to have it short as in short. but i think my hair's texture and the shape of my face is limiting me to having it not shorter than shoulder length.
well, i'm quite satisfied with the style. although somehow deep inside me, i wanted to have something a bit radical. i don't know i just wanted to look different. to veer away attention from my face to my crowning glory. (as if anybody's interested...hahaha) now i can hide behind my hair....i don't know if its a good thing...and i don't know if i can get used to having to wiff my hair away from my face all the time. got used to having it tied up and that's it. wow...big change for me. a little treatment here and there would be great.
i just love to spend time making up for things i've missed.... although i'm not normally a vain person. i guess i found a new sense of being in fixing up. i wanted to feel good. not to satisfy anybody else but myself.
and i am feeling good....what's great abt this is it exudes a happy aura. now next in line is making up for lost time with my friends. my life is great....thank God!
{ music } unbreakable - alicia keys
{ mood } content
Written by princess_bride at 10:52 AM.
gawd its like winter here at work. and its not a good atmosphere for someone who has a surgical incision that's still healing. ugghhh...
it's hurting like hell...waaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............
i'm going home early, someone cared enough to fetch me and bring me home. i feel like a stray cat....aching body, cold and shivering from the rain. kainis!
{ music } sorry for the stupid things - babyface
{ mood } in pain
Written by princess_bride at 06:28 PM.
yup. its like the most favorite color among gals. i love the baby pink and old rose shades. they are just so "kikayish" hahaha..it's pretty in pink wardrobe day for me. (seems like its a 3x a week routine) don't i just adore the color? hehehe
TGIF!! yup yup...and don't we all anticipate for this day..the end of the work week...gimik time...i for one, am excited for tonite's bowling game. but of course i could not play yet, but it would be fun watching my team play against other departments. definitely, a breather from the toxic demands of work.
this weekend is sure going to be a sad one for me. "manang" the one who takes care of me and my kids is leaving for the province her husband got sick and she needs to be there. i wish she could be with us forever. but i know it could never happen. why is it that good things never last? she was like a mom to me. i never treated my househelp as that, they were always like family to me.
tears will sure fall again... i always get left behind by people i love. a trend that i would like to be changed soon. as if it were in my hands?
{ music } don't dream its over - crowded house
{ mood } sleepy
Written by princess_bride at 08:21 AM.
(Sarah Mclachlan)
Adia I do believe I failed you
Adia I know I let you down
don't you know I tried so hard
to love you in my way
it's easy let it go...
Adia I'm empty since you left me
trying to find a way to carry on
I search myself and everyone
to see where we went wrong
'cause there's no one left to finger
there's no one here to blame
there's no one left to talk to honey
and there ain't no one to buy our innocence
'cause we are born innocent
believe me Adia, we are still innocent
it's easy, we all falter
does it matter?
Adia I thought we could make it
but I know I can't change the way you feel
I leave you with your misery
a friend who won't betray
I pull you from your tower
I take away your pain
and show you all the beauty you possess
if you'd only let yourself believe that
we are born innocent
believe me Adia, we are still innocent
it's easy, we all falter, does it matter?
believe me Adia, we are still innocent
'cause we are born innocent
Adia we are still
it's easy, we all falter ... but does it matter?
{ mood } super sleepy :-(
Written by princess_bride at 03:00 PM.
tears did pour after my yaya left last saturday to take care of her dengue-stricken husband. can't help but wonder why people close to my heart kept leaving me behind. what message is He giving me?
my bestfriend here at work is also resigning, to work in a provincial city hall. better opportunity plus she could be with her kids. i've been so used to letting go and trying my best to understand why it kept happening. i'm sure that i have nothing to do with them leaving. but it happened too often that i am starting to question His intentions for letting me go again through all these.
inspite of these questions in mind i still count myself so much blessed for having them even for awhile in my life. i thank God for their friendship, their patience, their care and their love. they have loved me so much like i was family to them. i hope someday our paths do cross again. yes, maybe....in God's time.
goodbye manang del....till we meet again!
{ music } wild world - cat stevens
{ mood } rejuvenated
Written by princess_bride at 08:28 AM.
(michelle branch)
I bet you didn't notice
But I didn't care
I tried being honest
But that left me no where
I watched the station
Saw the bus pulling through
And I don't mind saying
A part of me left with you
So one of these days
I won't be afraid of staying with you
I hope and I pray
Waiting to find a way back to you
Cause that's where I'm home
Oh...
Did I make you nervous?
Did I ask for too much?
Was I not deserving
Once I came of your touch
One of these days
I won't be afraid of staying with you
I hope and I pray
Waiting to find a way back to you
Cause that's where I'm home
What would you do if I could have you
What if I could?
I'd let you feel everything you can get
Wouldn't that be enough?
Wouldn't that be enough?
And one of these days
I won't be afraid of staying with you...
I bet you didn't notice
But I didn't care
I tried being honest
But that left me no where
I watched the station
Saw the bus pulling through
And I don't mind saying
A part of me left with you
So one of these days
I won't be afraid of staying with you
I hope and I pray
Waiting to find a way back to you
Cause that's where I'm home
Oh
Did I make you nervous?
Did I ask for too much?
Was I not deserving
Once I came to your touch?
One of these days
I won't be afraid of staying with you
I hope and I pray
Waiting to find a way back to you
Cause that's where I'm home
Oh, what would you do if I could have you?
What if I could?
I'd let you feel everything you could get
Wouldn't that be enough?
Wouldn't that be enough?
And one of these days
I won't be afraid of staying with you...
{ music } 94.7 mellowtouch
{ book } BIR VAT report
{ mood } contemplative
Written by princess_bride at 09:06 AM.
you watch people walking hand in hand or arms around one another's waist. you see them kiss and look into each other's eyes so full of love. and you remember your past loves. those who made you laugh and cry. those who hurt you so bad. those who treated you like dirt. and you wonder...you wonder what makes you different.
you are deep in thought and trying to remember how wonderful it felt to be loved...to be cared for. you had those precious moments to treasure....and to long for. you begin to hate yourself for not being able to keep one love. the "one" who'd give up everything for you. you always had to share it with somebody or something else. and you wonder...you wonder if you really deserve something as beautiful as that.
you are now willing to settle for something less. to feel less sad and less lonely. to have something to call your own at least for awhile. and you wonder...you wonder what kind of person would do that.
you feel so small and so insignificant. and you wonder...you wonder what is there for you in this life...
{ music } not myself - john mayer
{ mood } drama queen
Written by princess_bride at 10:34 AM.
(Bjork)
I miss you
But I haven't met you yet
So special
But it hasn't happened yet
You are gorgeous
But I haven't met you yet
I remember
But it hasn't happened yet
And if you believe in dreams
Or what is more important
That a dream can come true
I will meet you
I was peaking
But it hasn't happened yet
I haven't been given
My best souvenir
I miss you
But I haven't met you yet
I know your habits
But wouldn't recognize you yet
And if you believe in dreams
Or what is more important
That a dream can come true
I will meet you
I'm so impatient
I can't stand the wait
When will I get my cuddle?
Who are you?
I know by now that you'll arrive
By the time I stop waiting
I miss you
{ mood } hopeful
Written by princess_bride at 10:38 AM.
you did not sleep well again. so much possibilities and probabilities running through your head. its happening again. the same feeling getting intense and deeper as each day passes. and its freaking you out. because you are afraid to get hurt again. because you might not be able to handle the pain anymore.
so you set aside those feelings. and try to keep your distance. but you realize how much he makes you feel good everyday. its a great feeling. and it keeps you warm inside. hopeful that you can make this work out this time. happy that someone special is making you feel great again.
but beware. take your time. make tiny steps...for if you hurry you might hit rock bottom again and it may destroy you this time. know your boundaries. be less passionate. and try not to run away with your feelings. take it easy...slowly but surely.
though you know that you can never offer more than what he needs. you can just give what you can do best...be a good friend till the end. coz that's what you're good at...and you know that even if this turns out to be different, what you can give will never be enough for him.
setting aside all past hurts and pain...you are just glad to feel good again.
{ music } knocks me off my feet - tevin campbell
{ mood } silly
Written by princess_bride at 09:09 AM.
I'd play solitaire
Imagining that you were here
One night flights
Such heartless affairs
They froze the hopes of love in me
You suddenly appeared
Melted all my fears
Filled me with the love I need
You make me smile again
Like a child of three
And I believe it will turn out right baby
Oh you make me smile again
Hold me in your arms
Oh love, my love
Heart to heart
Our souls intertwine
Make love and float away with me
Twins of flame
A love so divine
I want to spend my life around you
Now, now I have the strength
Now I have the hopes
You give me all I need
To make me smile again
Like a child of three
And I believe it will work out right
Oh you make me smile again
Hold me in your arms
Oh love, my love
You make me smile again
Like a child of three
Oh I believe we'll live a dream for two
Oh you make me smile again
Hold me in your arms
Oh love, my love - (Manhattan Transfer)